she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
