is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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