But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
