I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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