I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
