apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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