Swine flu. Run for my life!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We are two peas in an std pod
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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