If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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