Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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