you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
