In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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