he wants to bone in the snuggie
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
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