it was like a zeppelin in a condom
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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