It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
