yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
