i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
