...so i touched it.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
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I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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