This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
it hurts more in the daytime
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
