her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
