i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
