i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
being pregnant is like rehab
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
