actually, I'm a sock model
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
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I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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