we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
