I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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