Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
