Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
