I bet he comes in French.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
