Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
