My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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