My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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