I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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