I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
