Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
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It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
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If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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