I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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