Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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