In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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