u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
