Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
