i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
