I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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