There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
