I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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