my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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