my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
