I wish my penis had an off switch
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
we're so committed to being not committed
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
