I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
