He is such a slut. More and more my type.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
