This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We left the knife in your bed.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
