I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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