Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
