allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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