My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
