I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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