Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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