just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
