He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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