I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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