i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
