i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
