i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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