I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
