The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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