So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
one might say we're banned from that church
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He? As in you personified your dick?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
