I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
