im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
