I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
